Life is a highway

And it should always lead(s) towards/back to GOD. Trust me this has not always been my motto but I am hoping to get it on track. I have found a church that has really made me feel comfortable and WANTED and that is the most important thing. I have felt unwanted for so long in areas of my life it feels wonderful to have that feeling again.
We had a service last night that was beautiful. As some may know I have NO feelings at all towards our local or state CPS system. They are unfair, rude, and I will stop there because I want change not the past.
It is just so weird to me how things went from being so down right bad in my heart and so much hatred to being able to COPE I am not going to sit here and tell you that all the hatred is over because I was lied on by what I thought were true friends just because I was doing what I was obligated to do by law and it cost me. My dignity, job, my feeling of worth, my pride, self esteem, just to name a few things it has caused. My so called friends cut me down when things in my life were rough enough and they made my life rougher. They were suppose to be there for support and they knew that things were the way the were and during my time of hardship they kicked me while I was sitting on an edge. I will admit I did fall over that edge and was hanging on a branch for a long while. I can't tell you what happened but one day after 4 different types medication, therapy, and self involvement with prescription medication to make the "pain" go away.
I guess the eye opener would be that on October 8 I broke my foot you know the pain medication it was working sort of because I didn't realize it was broke until the next day. It just so happened that a friend (one not involved in what I was talking about above) noticed that I didn't do my laundry, didn't wash my hair, didn't take a bath and was ALWAYS sleeping when she would call. She came over that day and spoke to my husband which I guess I done a good job keeping my distance of because he just thought it was "mild" depression because of what had happened and didn't question it. They took me to the hospital and by this time with no medication my foot was killing me we told them the problem and I do mean all of the problem and the wonderful place sent me home 7 hours later with a sprang foot, walking on it, and a prescription for 20 loritabs. I was in heaven or so I thought.
A week later I had to go to another hospital and was told that I had broken my foot and that walking on it did not help it all. So I had to go to another doctor to get the stupid thing looked at. I didn't mention to them about the problem with the medication but you know a small town and so the doctor came me enough to get me through the night and THAT WAS IT according to him.
Well since I really didn't want to do jail time looking for this medication and my own supply was pretty much gone I decided that it was time to come off of it. I could go to the hospital and get what I needed for the actual injury but no prescription and no more then that.
So I decided something has to change another friend of mine kept telling me about her church and yes in the back of my head it was "right just like the others" but for some reason I was "scared" to go to this church. I promised her I would go Christmas but I couldn't there was no way. So on December 31st, 2006 I decided that was my day of change I was giving my life to Jesus and he and his father would do what they wanted and if they ignored me then fine I knew the answer I really wasn't worth the trouble and who cared what happened to me. I was the one that was suppose to be the strong one, I was the one that was suppose to be the one there for the others like I "thought" I had for so many years before. HA I had been there for others and they took advantage of it and sent through "hell" let me tell you. It has been rough I had one period that was just devastating let me tell you I didn't care once again there was no way I had been going to church for a month +(yea I know what was a expecting) and things were not changing (fast enough for me) all I could do was cry and boy did I cry. I let this work on me for about two weeks and then one night about 1 a.m. this voice came to me and said (okay not exactly but the just of it) what are you doing he is trying to take you over again and he is winning. If you want my help then wake up and get moving. You are working a new set of friends those that know me and trust me. Didn't you take notice today when my father's children prayed for you they love and care for you and they won't hurt you like those that you have chosen to help but have no desire to help themselves. Okay maybe he didn't mean to actually get of bed at that minute but I did. I went down and started working my resume after MANY attempts and it actually looked pretty good so I thought. So I sent them out and was determined that by the end of February I was going to have a job. (Didn't happen) So here it is March and I have yet another interview on Monday and hopefully it will work out. In the meantime I have started my enrollment for school and majoring in business management with a ? (not sure)minor in Law/medical. Well, as some of you may know I am getting my hands dipped DEEP in the law thing with this stuff I am trying to get cleared up so that was that came from.
What do I want to see in my future. Well, I have one more class to take to have my CDA and I would love to finish that. I would love to be involved with the kids in one way or the other. To be honest I can't seem to get it out of my head of opening a daycare center not a home a center and I have to have the business degree to do so. I want to make a difference in this county and I want to prove a point I am not what I have been labeled and going to make it with God, my husband, my family, and my church family by my side.
The church is doing so many different things that would love to be involved in and so my next goal is become a member so that I hopefully will be asked to help with some of the things they have going on. I would love to eventually be able to manage a "mommys day out" program with the church I can tell you that is needed badly in this area and I think it would help cut back on abuse in more ways then any could imagine. I really don't know if people realize how many single parents there are out there (even if they are married because if one works he/she may possibly think the other DOESN'T needs help) This leads to stress and eventually could lead to physical or mental abuse. I would like to work towards a solution on that.
I guess I will close for now I have rambled on for a long while as you can see. I just wanted to let people know where I am coming from if you have questions, heard something you want to verify please ask. I can properly come up with the paperwork to back up my answer to you. God Bless