What has lead up to where I am now!!!

I know that a lot of people have no idea what I am talking about when I say I have had a rough few years. After talking to my therapist she suggested that I blog about it to get it off my chest so I guess I will give it a try. What do I have to lose right?

I started doing daycare in my home in 1996 right after my father in law passed away. My husband was not real close to his dad but what can I say he isn't real close to anyone. I think that is one of the problems between him and I. Even though my childhood was rough we told each other we loved one another, we hugged, and we would give each other kisses for no reason. My husband said he wasn't raised with affection and he doesn't know how to give it. This is rough on me even after 17 years because he use not be as bad as what he has gotten through the years. I have no clue what has caused it if it is my weight, him falling out of love with me, my attitude (let me elaborate hear I have been diagnosed with bi-polar recently) so things have been rough. Anyway moving on, I hadn't noticed the really bad part of the depression until after April 06 sure I had been treated for depression in the past but nothing severe. You ever heard of the saying "the straw that broke the camels back" Well that is what happened in April 06. There was so much happening in 06 the begin with that when I was stabbed in the back by supposed "close" friends it was unbearable and it brought back so many feelings and questions of things in my past I didn't know where to stop thinking. So I didn't I just had more and more anger build up inside of me.

Wow this is where I always get confused when I try to put this in writing where to begin.
January 6, 2006: One of my employees was having her baby and she had asked that I be there to take pictures. No problem. This employee is also my managers niece so I knew she would be there, and we had another employee that going for support. This began with being no problem because the daycare was covered as far as coverage goes. Around 10 I received a phone call from my husband telling me that my Uncle had died that morning (he also happened to be the only surviving mail on my moms side of the family. I also at the same time received a phone call from the daycare telling me that someone had called in, that they would need assistance around 11 because we had more kids coming in and kids going to school. Well, my grandmother was out of the question of calling because she had just lost her child. I figured the next best option would be for the other employee that was at the hospital for support to go with me to the daycare so that I could take the school kids to school and then go to my mom's since no one had been able to get a hold of her as of yet, my dad was in Florida and we had to get arrangements to get him home since he was on business and had drove down. So I went upstairs told them my situation and this girl refused to leave. I was in no mood to argue with her couldn't even think of how to handle the situation I was in shock in more ways then one. So I went to the daycare done what I had to do and then went to the daycare to work. About 4 hours later my manager and the "support" employee walked in the door and was so excited and going on and on about the baby. I had to leave I could not stand to look at this employee and understand how she could treat me this way when John and I had done so much for her and her family in the past 8 years. I could not understand at that time why she was so far up my managers butt boy did that door get opened up at a later date.

This began the churn of events in my life that just got more and more confusing and I didn't know where to turn. We had to go through the weekend with no answers to my uncles death his boys telling two different stories. I made a call to my dad in Florida he was actually at E-ONE with a group from the fire department getting specks on a new fire truck. E-ONE was awesome they booked him a flight back home at their expense. Which was great because no one here could think about how to do this. Anyway, the "boys" waited to have their dad's funereral on Monday instead of showing him on Sunday as they had promised his friends. Well they did everything in one day because they didn't want to have to dip into the life insurance because that would mean less for them. Their words not mine. This went right through me that is like saying your dad wasn't worth anymore then that so that his lifetime friends and the family could have some closing time. Nope we had wam bam thank you mam he is going in the ground.

So we get this over with the next 4 weeks were hell to say the least. My one cousin has a car that is in my grandmothers name which was done through his dad because his dad was paying for it, not turned over in his name until it was paid off. Thank god she did this. Anyway the kid was up to no good and in my heart I still know that he had something to do with his dad's death way to much leading in that direction but no one would listen because he had heart problems in the past that is where they stopped. It didn't care that his medication was missing, he had a broken nose, a black eye, the neighbors said that his son and he had gotten into a fight in the night of his death, that his sons time line was no way possible, that his ex wife and other son made it from newburgh and Chandler to Oakland City before the ambulance made it to my uncles house and supposedly the ambulance was called first. THERE IS NO WAY. We have the ambulance report it took 3 minutes. Then their report is nothing compared to what the other son is saying. We worked on this for 2 weeks. Then I came down with migraines for a whole week, and then I got sick after that so I was not at the daycare pretty much the whole month of January. They had food all the manager had to do was stop by the house duriing the Boonville school run how hard is that. Pretty easy.
TO BE CONTINUED